Wednesday, May 25, 2011

A few nothings.

Here's some starts of old stories that I did. I never finished them but it'd be a waste to not let them be read.

The boy watched as the girl slept. He crouched on the roof of the barn across from her window and watched. He didn’t know how long he was there or how long he would stay there. He wasn’t even completely sure why he was there in the first place. He had tried to convince himself it was to find out if she had any information on the whereabouts of Link or Ganon but he knew that wasn’t the reason. He flicked his long blonde bangs from his eyes; he still wasn’t used to having them there. The girl began to stir as sunlight leaked from over the mountains. The light made her auburn hair shine and made her blue eyes brighter as they appeared from behind her eyelids. He crouched lower to the roof and continued to watch as she yawned and stretched her arms above her head. Her beauty in the morning sun made the boy gasp. He had known she was beautiful, but seeing is different from hearing. Things began to make sense to him and he flipped off the building as she walked outside whistling her way to her morning chores.
Malon was tired. She was tired of chores, she was tired of Ingo, and she was tired of being alone. It had been five years since she was visited by someone and she missed it terribly. In the back of her mind she knew that Link wouldn’t come again. And if he did, she knew he wouldn’t be the same. She had nothing to think about but these things. If thought about anything else she would cry. Thinking about the state of Hyrule made her cry. Thinking about her father made her cry. Thinking about the things Ingo did to her made her cry the worst of all. She felt lucky that he was gone to his “employer” for the week. She was finally able to sleep in her own bed again. She didn’t have to hide among the cows or the horses at night. But that morning she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being watched.


Lyric opened her eyes and breathed in the green air filtering through the leaves of Dulcea woods. The warmth of her pack around her protected her from the morning chill though the dew settled on the grass was cool on her heated skin. Her breath fogged before her eyes and she breathed a sigh of contentment. Her stomach was full, the morning was clear, and her pack was sprawled around her. The warm, metallic odor of the previous nights kill wafted to her nose from the blood still smeared on the bodies surrounding her. Stretching out her limbs, she arches her back and a squeak escapes her throat. The sound roused her Beta sprawled out beside her.
“Mornin” He grunted.
“Hey Rail” He reached over and ruffled her hair with a smile and let his arm drift down to around her waist. She moved closer to him and buried herself in his side. A chuckle emanated from his chest and woke up the man on the other side of her. 
“No fair. You’re supposed to share!” He said and threw his arm around Lyric. She laughed and Rail suppressed a growl to a grunt. One by one the other four members of the pack awoke with snickers and rolled eyes at the pile growing around Lyric. By the time their Alpha awoke the entire pack was wrapped around each other laughing and mock growling.


The pounding of feet against pavement filled Takeshi‘s ears. Sweat beaded on the boy’s forehead and dripped into his eyes. He squinted the stinging away and continued his loping stride. 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4. He counted his steps and his body moved in mind numbing synchronization as his breathing matched his feet. The light grew and faded as he passed street light after street light. He didn’t know how long he had been running and he didn’t care. He was barely aware of his surrounding at this point. The only thought occupying his mind was the rhythmic beating of rubber against concrete and the deafening whoosh of his breath. Takeshi was in his element. A shrill ringing inturrupted his trance-like state and he removed his cell phone from the waistband of his shorts. He turned off his alarm and slowed to a steady walk. It was time for him to go back home.

The end of the gaming industry?

As some of you may or may not know, I am a game developer. I don't work for Activision or anything but I develop games nonetheless. It is because of people like me that the gaming industry is changing. Now, there was a time when if someone wanted a game to be made, they went to Activision and said "hey, I've got this great idea for a game. It'll cost $x. Will you help me?" and Activision would, then they would make the game, and sell it to Walmart and BestBuy. However, this was back when Activision was making 40 games a year. How many do they make now? 4? 5? Yeah pretty much. Why is this? Well, with the rise of things like Steam, and smartphone markets, developers don't need WalMart to get their games to the players. Shelf space is no longer an issue. There is an unlimited amount of shelf space on the internet. If someone wants to sell a game all they have to do is make it.

Does this mean the end of console gaming? Maybe. Now I can already hear your screams of agony and I understand. I love my consoles. But think about the great games that can be made without the need of Activision. Look at the industry. Really look at it. How many Call of Duty games are there? Guitar Hero? How many times do we have to make the same game until we get sick of it? The industry has become about franchises. I'm not saying I don't love me some Super Mario but there needs to be more variety. Activision can't afford variety. They spend millions on advertising to try to make you buy their games. They have to because what else is going to make you drive to BestBuy and pick up a copy of it rather than stay at home and download it. If they don't spend all that money on ads, they lose all of it on all the hard copies they've made.

What the industry needs now is innovators. We need people with fresh ideas that won't be held back by a big company saying "no, thats too risky." The only way that is going to work is if people embrace the changing times. Look at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. That was an indie game. Its huge now. Same with minecraft. We need more people like the developers of these games to say "fuck Activision, I'll make my own damn game."

Keep a look out for any new blogs. I think I'm going to continue this video game theme and see where it goes. I've got a bit of knowledge in UDK and some in Zbrush I might share. If anyone wants any specific tutorials, leave a comment and I'll see what I can do.

Also, I'm not saying the industry is ending. I'm saying its changing and definitely for the better.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Ren Faire

I went to the Renaissance Faire yesterday. Loads of fun. Rena, Tiffany, Devin and I all went together. My dad took my little sister too but we didn't stay together. The four of us were all dressed up though. My costume was inspired by Assassin's Creed and the girls were all my bitches, excuse me, wenches. We made quite a few friends too. I assassinated a french boy's cat so he could get some sleep and he paid be 500 florins. And by 500 florins I mean a couple of really tight hugs. He was adorable. I also made friends with a ninja. We had a game of following each other for most of the day. It was great. We saw some knights joust, which would have been much more exciting if their chainmail wasn't knit! Thats gay. Seriously. Knit chainmail? c'mon. A history teacher from my high school was also there. He was in a play. Devin is going to be having a very interesting conversation today with him....
All in all, it was a great day and I really miss it. I think I'll be working there next year. There is no place like it and the people there are beyond measure.

Friday, May 20, 2011


So, as I was going through all the old stories I used to write, I found this one. I was 14 at the time. Its probably only a step or two above My Immortal. Enjoy.

There are two kinds of beings in the world. Prey. And predator.  I was once the former. Not too long ago either. But things change. Events happen that alter the course of everything. Ones that mess with the very fabric of nature. And as far as life changing events go, I win. Nothing beats my story. The story of some normal kid who’s life was as prey ended.
I remember the day that started it all. Mondays never are any good are they? I would say that I knew that Monday wasn’t a normal day. I would, but I can’t. Because honestly, I had no idea what that day would lead to. As usual, my sadistic CD player/alarm clock went off at 6:30. As usual, I hit the snooze button. I got dressed, tamed my unruly mop of hair, and ate breakfast, as usual.
At school was when things strayed from their normal course. Well, 4th period English to be exact. A new student had arrived (of course). Her name was Raine. And she was beautiful. Her long black hair was a wild mess of silk cascading down her shoulders and pooling on her desk like a waterfall in some forgotten exotic forest. Her eyes, a fierce amber in a snow white face. There was something else about her, an aura of sorts. Alluring, yet dangerous at the same time. I’d never seen anyone so appealing in my life.
I wasn’t the only one who noticed her, all the boys, and unsurprisingly, some of the girls had also found her just as interesting. The entire room was staring. As I took a step into the class, her head whipped around and I felt the full force of her eyes analyzing me. Watching every move I made and scrutinizing every inch of me. It was hot. I found my seat at the other end of the class and sat. Mrs. Dovae went on about Shakespeare or something we had covered a couple years ago. I lazily doodled on my note paper and kept glancing at the new girl, who had been identified as Raine by Andy, the boy who sits next to me.
She seemed so at ease in a new school. No nervousness, no timidity, just relaxation, as if she owned the school. I couldn’t look away. Dovae called on me and I barely heard it.
“Excuse me Miss Hayden,” she said, “I asked you a question.”
“Uh…what?”  The whole class was staring at me now. Except for one person. Raine, who was currently examining her nail beds with what appeared to be a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. Great, now she thinks I’m a loser.
“I asked how many Globe Theatres were made Miss Hayden.”
“Oh, three, including the modern one.”
“Thank you and if you’d care to pay more attention I could continue with our lesson”
“Sorry.” I said, red-faced and embarrassed.
The rest of class past uneventfully and luckily I was not subjected to any more humiliation. Every now and then I would venture a glance over at Raine and find her staring out the window, examining her finger nails, of just sitting there, doing nothing in particular. She still seemed more relaxed than anyone else. It was unnerving. As the period progressed, my glances became more frequent and from time to time I would feel her gaze upon me as well. The bell rang and I gladly got up from my chair and bolted out the room. I jumped down the stairs and headed to the corner of the quad where my friends sat. A big tree shaded the corner with its great branches.
“Hey guys” I said to my small group, “what’s up?” “Chillen.” Brendon, the oldest said, “Bitching about how evil Myrastaff is.” Myrastaff is his calculus teacher. He’s one of those old teachers who should have retired decades ago.
 “Yeah, he should just die already.” Agreed Kara, our resident goth girl, “he pretty much called me a whore. Dick.”
“That’s gay.” I said.
“So, how was Dovae?” Kara asked me. “Meh. Same bitch as last week. But there was this new chick. Raine I think her name was.” I said, “She’s pretty hot and I –” A tap on my shoulder interrupted me. I turned around only to face, yep, you guessed it, Raine. “You talking about me?” She said with a sly smile.
“Yeah actually, I was.” I replied, feeling confident, “You got a problem with that?”
“Not at all, Miss Hayden. Though I do suggest that if you’re going to stare at someone for an entire class period, be at least a little subtle.” So much for confidence.
“I was that obvious?”
“Mhm. I don’t blame you, I’m used to it.”
“Yeah, I bet…” I mumbled.
“What was that?” She was sharp. “Oh nothing.” I said, “Anyway, what are you doing here?”
“You seemed interesting, I felt like investigating.”
“Well, maybe you’d like to investigate a little later too.” My confidence returned. “Maybe at the mall after school?” Brendon and Kara stared. Well, Kara glared. She’s had a crush on me since 8th grade. Jealous much?
“Well, aren’t you the daring little fearless one?”
Now they stared at her.
“Yes actually I am. You’re not exactly the scary type anyway.” Man, I was on a confidence roll.
“We’ll see about that.” And she walked away.
“Meet me at the back entrance after school,” she called out, “I’ll be waiting.”
“Wow.” Brendon and Kara both said at once.
“Yeah, I know.”
Kara spent the rest of the lunch period sulking. She’s too much of a friend to like like that. Brendon was stoked. He was more excited about it than me. He’s never been on a date. He’s too much of a nice guy for girls to like him. But he’s ok with it. He says it only gets him closer for when they realize how much of a “stud muffin” he is. His words of course. The rest of the day was boring. Apparently Raine was in my 6th period but she didn’t show up. She was just one giant enigmatic ball of mystery wasn’t she? The bell rang and I walked out of the class and headed to my locker. My cell phone rang.
“Hurry up, I’m getting bored.” a sexy voice on the other line said.
“Who is this?”
“Raine, who else?” I laughed quietly.
“How did you get my number?”
“I have my ways.” Damn, that whole mysterious thing was hot.
“Whatever. I’ll be there in a few”
“I’ll be waiting.” Click.
I stared at the phone in shock. How did she get my number? Well, I’ll bug her about it later. I reached my locker and put in my combo. I took out a comb and went through my hair, making it sleek once again and shoved my bag in. no need to take it home, I finished all my work in my classes. I needed to tell my dad where I would be. He does not need to give birth to a cow on my account. So I texted him saying I was going to the mall and I would be home eventually. I made my way through the dense crowd at the front entrance and made my way to the less crowded back where I saw a familiar black-haired shape awaiting me, leaning on a Nissan Altima. Hybrid. I almost thought she was one of those environmentalist wierdos. How ironic.
“Took you long enough.” She remarked
“Blah blah blah.” I said, “I had to go to my locker.”
“Well, get in.” I did.
The drive to the mall was short. Just a couple miles away. The slightly awkward silence was strangely interesting. I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at her side every now and then. Her odd relaxed state had not changed since 4th period. She had amazing posture. Straight up, yet still relaxed.
“How do you do that?” I asked.
“Do what?” she looked at me quizzically
“The whole good posture but still relaxed deal. I haven’t seen you let up once.” She laughed. I made her laugh. Can you say ego boost?
“It just comes naturally I guess.”
The rest of the ride was quiet. She had GPS so I didn’t need to tell her directions. We got there and she asked me where I wanted to go.
“Well I need to stop by the bookstore if you don’t mind.”
“Yeah, sure.” She said, “I might pick up a few myself.”
So I lead her to the other side of the mall, towards the bookstore. We made idle talk on the way. I had lost my confidence again so I was back to being shy and slightly embarrassed. We got there, I picked out a few vampire books and she eyed my selection.
“What?” I asked her.
“So, you like vampire stories.” It wasn’t a question. Simply a statement.
“Yeah they’re interesting.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, my life is so boring its fun to read about things happening to people that are beyond the stretches of reality.
“Beyond the stretches of reality? What makes you say that?”
“Undead creatures that survive off of the blood of the living? Come on now. You don’t seriously believe that, do you? As cool as it would be to know one, I can’t believe in them.”
“I never said I believed in vampires. I just wanted to know your point of view. I’ve met plenty of people who believe. I’ve met people who would do anything to be one.”
“Who would turn down immortality?”
“Eternity is a long time to be alone.”
I thought she sounded sad at the time. Looking back, it wasn’t melancholy. I still can’t find a word to place that feeling. Longing almost fits it, but it was darker than just longing. I shrugged it off at the time. She did have a point. Who would want to be alone forever? That was the first time I should have paid more attention. There were plenty more after that.
She picked up a few other books I didn’t recognize and we left.
“So, what do you want to do now?” I asked her
“See a movie?” crap,  I thought, I forgot this was like a date. In the next second, I proceeded to completely freak out in my mind about how I was going to a movie with a hot chick. Which was odd, seeing as I’ve been on plenty of other dates with girls and it’s rather well known that I’m gay. I had never stopped for a second to think if she was or not. She might think we were going out as just friends.
“Hellooo, anyone in there?” she said while waving a hand in front of my face.
“Yeah sorry, just lost in my world for a second.” I replied.
“So, movie or no?”
“Yeah, movies are cool.” I showed her the way to the movies on the west side of the mall. After my realization that she might not be into me, I kept further awer away from her, careful to not have any physical contact at all. We got to the movies, argued for a second on who would pay, I won. We chose a “romantic comedy.” This basically meant there would be some cute girl who falls for some guy she isn’t supposed to fall for and they ride off into the sunset together. We walked in and were told to head to theater four on the right.
“You want popcorn?” I asked her.
“No, I already ate.” I didn’t think at the time that I had been with her since school got out and we had eaten nothing.
“Okay, let’s go then”
The movie turned out to suck. Or maybe that’s just because I was spazzing out that I didn’t know if she was into me or not. Or into girls for that matter. I was so worried about sending the wrong message; I sat there stiff and unsmiling. She was her cool, laid back self of course. She laughed at the jokes and seemed to enjoy herself. Her laugh was amazing. She was so carefree. It was when we were coming out of the movies that I finally admitted that I actually liked her, not just that I thought she was hot. We had just come through the exit of the theater.
“Man, that was boring.” She said to me. I just looked at her.
“What happened to laughing so much?”
“I was laughing at how boring it was! I thought you would have liked it so I didn’t object!”
“Wow. You are the only person I know who would peg me as a romantic comedy type person.” She smiled again. God, I am learning to love that smile.
“Well I haven’t even known you for a whole day yet. Give me a break here.”
“Yeah I guess I could. I thought you would like it too so it’s even I suppose.” Then she looked at me funny.
“Did you just use ‘suppose’ in a sentence with no sarcasm at all?”
“Uh…yeah? I blame all the vampire books. Those vamps are so proper it rubs off on me.” She looked away with an odd expression on her face.
“Well, we should probably get you home huh?”
“Yeah, that should happen eventually. But then again those theatre chairs were pretty comfy. I wouldn’t mind sleeping in those for the night.” I said with ale, trying to regain our light mood again. She laughed.
“I don’t think your dad would be too happy with me”
“Sigh, yeah, I guess.” She laughed again.
“Okay, let’s get you home then.” We walked to her car, after getting lost and laughing at ourselves of course. I input my address into her GPS and we started on our way. She turned on the radio so we didn’t have to sit in awkward silence again. My favorite band came on and she laughed at me as a mouthed the words. I laughed at her when she started too. Every song that came on after we both sang along to like dorks. We pulled up to my house laughing. I got out and waved goodbye until the next day. I was still chuckling slightly as I walked through the door. That is, until my dad cleared his throat in his signature “you’re in trouble” way.
“Hello Miss Hayden. Glad to see you back.”
“Why is everyone calling me that today?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going out tonight?”
“I did Robert. Check your text messages.” He takes out his phone, looks at it, and drops his gaze. “Oh.” A smirk slowly made its way into my features.
“Mhm. Check your facts first dad. Helps a lot.” I pat him on the back as I stalked away, into my room. I flipped on some t.A.T.u, sat back on my bed, and relaxed. Things felt good. I had a hot new friend that I had feelings for. I would have to talk to Kara the next day. She was not going to be very happy with me and even less happy with Raine. Brendon was going to want to know everything. But that was okay because I had a hot friend who was going to rely on me to introduce her to people in a new school where she knew no one. Life was good. For the time being. I drifted off to sleep listening to music, still in my clothes.
I woke up and looked at the clock as I turned over. 6:43. I had just enough time to make myself look pretty and get myself to school. I got up, Changed my shirt and socks and went into the bathroom to tame the mane I call my hair. I ran a brush through my short light brown locks, brushed my teeth, deodorized myself, and I was out the door. My walk to school was relatively short. It was just under a mile, long enough to be boring without music but short enough to not be tiring. My ipod had helped me through a great many walks down this street, so I turned it on and cranked it up.
After maybe 15 or 20 minutes I arrived at school. After my side trip to my locker to grab my bag, I headed to my faithful corner of the quad where I hung out with my group. Brendon and Kara were already there. Kara was still pouty and Brendon was sitting reading Shakespeare like the nerd he was. I walked up and Kara only looked up at me and took out her notebook to draw. Brendon of course nearly pounced on me and wanted to hear every detail of my “date”
“It wasn’t a date!” I told him, “I don’t even know if she’s like that.”
“Well what did you guys do?”
“Got some books and saw a movie.”
“A movie?”
“Yeah.” He paused for a second.
“Hayden had a date! Hayden had a date!” he said in his sing-song voice. Kara got up and left. Brendon watched her go.
“It wasn’t a date! God, you suck.”
“What’s her problem?”
“Who? Kara?”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t believe he was serious.
“Are you kidding? Dude, she’s liked me since like forever. Are you blind or something?”
“What? Are you serious? Oh my god I had no idea!” I paused.
“I feel smart.”
“You are smart Miss Hayden” Raine interjected.
“When did you get here? And how would you know, you hardly know me at all!” I asked her. She showed up behind my shoulder out of nowhere.
“I got here about 30 seconds ago and I know you are because you weren’t paying attention in English but you still got the right answer.”
“Well everyone knows there were three Globe Theatres.”
“I didn’t!” piped in Brendon.
“Shut up you’re not helping.” Raine laughed. I already felt myself getting cocky.
“Anyway, shouldn’t we be getting to class soon?” Brendon said.
“Yeah probably. Raine, where’s your first class?”
“I don’t know, I got here late yesterday. My 4th period was my first class.”
“Oh, well let me see your schedule.” She handed it to me and I laughed as I saw it.
“What’s so funny?” Raine and Brendon asked at the same time.
“Well, you’ve got first and second period with me, third with Brendon and Kara, forth with me, fifth with Kara, and sixth with me again.”
“Kara? That’s the girl who doesn’t seem to like me right?” Brendon and I laughed.
“Yep, that’s her.”
“Why doesn’t she like me?”
“That’s what we were talking about when you walked up.” Brendon said.
“And the reason is…?”
“She’s got a crush on me and you’re hot and we hung out yesterday.” She laughed again
“You think I’m hot?” As if she hasn’t heard it before.
“Pshyeah,” Brendon scoffed.
“How are you not?” I said
“I don’t know, I guess I’m just not used to compliments”
“I bet Hayds could fix that” Brendon said with a smirk. I punched him.
“I just compliment a lot. It gets me in trouble sometimes. Take Kara for instance. I used to tell her how good she looked and now she’s got a big crush on me.”
“I see. That sucks.”
“Yeah Kara isn’t the only one who’s got a crush on Hayds. All the chicks love her!”
“Yeah, I’m pretty much a pimp.” She laughed again.
“So, you making any of those chicks lucky?”
“She means are you dating anyone Hayden.” Brendon said. Smart ass.
“Oh.” I said, “Nope. This girl is single.”
“No one interesting enough?”
“Nah, I’ve got my eye on someone.”
“So you’re gay or bi?”
“Labels are for soup cans.”
“Hey guys, that was the bell,” Brendon said, “we gotta go.”
“Aight, see ya Brendon” I told him.
“Later.” He said.
“So, my first class is with you?” Raine asked me.
“Yep. Algebra two. Loads of fun. Not.”
We walked to class together and she was seated at the other side of the room. I couldn’t stop myself from glancing over every once in a while. I couldn’t wait till after class so I could talk to her again. I was getting hooked on her presence. I felt like a junkie, jonesing for my next fix. She was my cocaine. I hadn’t known her for 24 hours yet and I was already starting to become addicted.  That was my downfall. I still didn’t know if she was into me or not but that hadn’t stopped me. She was my meth. My heroin.
Second period was pretty much the same. She was on the other side of the room and I spent almost the entire period watching her. She didn’t take notes but she wasn’t not paying attention. It was odd. She wasn’t listening very well but well enough that when she was called on, she had the answer in a second. But she never really looked up at the board. She still had her odd relaxation. Like she was stoned but she was too aware and not all droopy.  The class got out and we went to snack. Kara didn’t meet up with us, she was probably still upset. It kind of made me mad that just because I hung out with someone who wasn’t her, she would get to jealous and spazzy about it.
Snack was spent making jokes and complaining about our teachers and the ridiculous amount of homework we got. Raine dropped the subject of my sexuality and I assumed that she was freaked out a little bit by it. I was afraid to bring it up because it might lead to hers and I didn’t want to know is she wasn’t into girls. I could deal with not knowing at all but knowing she wasn’t into chicks would have been too much. Imagine if your heroin rejected you? Like, if the dealer said “no, I don’t work with girls” how much would that suck?
Third period sucked. Everyone seemed so lazy compared to Raine’s relaxed posture. Everyone was boring and I couldn’t pay attention to save my life. The clock seemed to see my agony and slowed itself down; twice I could have sworn it was running backwards. I eventually fell asleep trying to make the hour go by faster. It was ridiculous. All this over a girl I had met yesterday. What was wrong with me? Forth period came by and I breathed a sigh of relief to see Raine sitting in the same seat as the day before. I walked up behind her and looked over her shoulder at what she was drawing. It was a rose. But there was a dark quality about it. It seemed dangerous. But beautiful at the same time. She turned around and caught me.
“Hey there stranger” she said.
“Hi, sorry I was curious.”
“Oh it’s no problem,” she said, “I’m used to it.”
“You never told me you could draw.”
“You never asked”
“Good point.”
“Excuse me, Miss Hayden,” Mrs. Dovae interrupted, “I’d hate to interfere with your social life but I have a class to teach.”
“Sorry.” I said, “bitch…” I mumbled under my breath. Everyone around me exploded into laughter. Dovae turned around and looked at me suspiciously. Now the entire class laughed, starting with Raine.
“That’s it. If everyone thinks Miss Hayden is so funny, you all get to stay after school to spend five more minutes with her.” Dovae said angrily. Someone’s PMSing…
The entire class broke out in groans and as soon as she turned her head, a kid threw a crumpled piece of paper at my head. Sometime during the period, the boy behind me threw a paper airplane when Dovae’s head was turned and when she saw it out of the corner of her eye, everyone blamed me. She lengthened our stay to 10 minutes. Once again, more groans. This time the papers were thrown at the kids around me. So, the bell finally rang and we had to sit there watching the clock for 10 minutes until she let us go. Raine was drawing again. By the time we got out of the classroom, the halls were close to empty. Raine followed me to my locker and I went to hers, which happened to be fairly close to mine.  We started to walk towards the exit of the school.
“So, you need a ride?” she asked me.
“Nah, I’m gonna walk.” I told her. I wasn’t quite keen on spending time alone with her in her car again, as fun as it was the last time. I wasn’t sure why but since after the bell rang, the usual sultry vibe she gave off, became scary and dangerous.
“You sure?”
“Yeah I’m cool.”
We walked through the parking lot and leaning on her car was a greasy looking boy with long, gross hair. He waved to her and she waved back. We reached the car and he put his arm around her waist. I looked between Raine and the boy who seemed to be her boyfriend.
“This is David,” she said, as if I cared.
“Hi David” I said coldly.
“David, this is Hayden, my friend.” He looked at me and nodded with a lazy smile on his face. Jerk.

Just to get into the swing of things

This is a bit of writing i did a while back. I though I might as well post it so my profile looks less lonely. Yes. Lord of the Flies fanfiction.

It was Christmas Eve in London. The sun was cresting over the horizon, sending oranges, pinks, and yellows across the sky yet few were awake to appreciate the natural beauty of it. The few who were awake were ambitious businessmen bustling about their morning routines. There was one boy however, a young man of 17 walking alone down the cobbled streets and whistling to himself in the morning mist. His fair hair was abnormally long for a boy his age and he had an air of maturity rarely found in boys under 30. The boy’s name was Ralph and this was is 5th Christmas Eve since his best friend was murdered.
Ralph often wandered the streets alone in the early hours. Admiring nature was an art he learned from his lost friend many years ago. Before the island, Ralph had always been the type to follow what the crowd was doing. Years of private school had ingrained in him a set of morals and characteristics that even the savagery of young boys had been unable to fully abolish. Although many of the other boys trapped on the island with him had long since forgotten the effects of what had happened there. They had refused to believe that they took part in the murder of two innocent boys. Though they had been irrevocably tainted by their actions, none felt guilt. None but Ralph.
The Christmas season was often hardest for Ralph. His nightmares became worse and worse during this time and his guilt that year had become more than he could handle. This would be Ralph’s last Christmas at home before leaving to pursue the future set for him by his parents who had never understood his guilt for what happened to Simon. Ralph had never been able to admit to his involvement in the dreadful act that cut the boy’s life so short. And now, at this time of year he couldn’t help but imagine that somewhere, a mother and father are celebrating without their son. Without the son that he had taken part in the murder of.
As the sun slowly made its appearance in the sky, he made his way back home. The day passed by slowly for him. He spent the day helping his mother and father around the household until the sun left the sky and surrendered its place to the moon. He returned to his bedroom and lay down to find some form of comfort in the embrace of the sleep. As he slowly drifted off his mind swam with images of Simon. The images seemed to become clearer and sharper as he entered the land of dreams. Soon, the boy was standing at the foot of his bed. Ralph took only one glance at him and his eyes betrayed him as they let tears slowly cascade down his cheeks.
“Don’t cry.” The ghost of Simon said to him, “Please don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry…but I-“ Ralph’s words became lost in his throat as Simon watched him with curiosity.
“You’ve gotten much bigger. You look old.” Ralph chuckled slightly at that but guilt still nagged at him.
“And you’re the same as you were years ago.”
“Well I can change that if it would make you feel better.” He said with a boyish smile and he aged before Ralph’s eyes until two 17 year old boys were in the room eyeing each other. Ralph laughed and told Simon that he looked funny old.
“You still feel guilty.” Ralph sighed at the truth. “I want to show you something Ralph.”
“Show me something?”
“Yes. From the island.”
“But how? You’re…you’re dead.” Simon laughed.
“This is a dream Ralphie. We can do anything” Simon’s old nickname for Ralph brought tears threateningly close to overflowing again.
The scene slowly changed from Ralph’s room back to the island’s beach where a young Ralph and Simon were hard at work while all the other boys played in the sand. Making shelters was very difficult for the twelve year old boys alone. They were unaware of the older boy watching them from above. The young Ralph toiled in the heat and sweat dripped from his brow and plastered his hair to his forehead, forcing him to push it back with his palm. Simon had removed his shirt and it now hung from a branch making up one of the walls. He glanced at the fair haired boy and a faint smile reached into his features. He reached for his shirt and threw it at his companions face with a laugh.
“Cheer up Ralphie!” Simon exclaimed, “We’re almost done!”
“Yeah well this would be a lot easier if the little’uns helped a little. Even Samneric deserted us to go have fun.” Ralph said with resentment as he threw the shirt back at Simon.
“You’re supposed to wipe the sweat away with it silly!” Simon said with a peculiar smile and he walked over to Ralph and took care while wiping moisture from the other boy’s face.
Ralph’s surroundings faded back to his room and looked back at the ghostly figure across from him. He didn’t understand why that was important.
“Do you remember that?” Simon asked the confused boy.
“Of course I do. You were the only one smart enough to keep working. All the others only wanted to play.”
“Well, working on shelters sounded like a better idea than hunting down some pigs with the rest of the choir.” Ralph laughed; he had forgotten that Simon was originally a part of that bloodthirsty gang.
“But what was so important about that?” The ghost sighed and said told him that he needed to figure it out on his own. He would show him more to help out a little.
Again, Ralph’s surroundings melted into the island. He watched himself as he sank to the ground against a tree. He recognized the scene; he had just gotten in an argument with Jack. He was looking for a place to be alone and stew in his pent up frustration. When little’uns appeared shrieking in their high pitched voices and tossing sand everywhere he became more antsy and stomped off to the forest for some quiet. He sat underneath the fruit trees and rested his head in his hands. The stress was getting to be too much for him. The other boys wouldn’t stay focused on rescue and Jack was becoming increasingly more of a problem.
Everyone on the island seemed to have lost their minds. He wanted nothing to do with any of them anymore. But even as Simon walked up and sat beside him in silence he could not bring himself to be annoyed with him. Simon was not like the other boys. He had a clear mind. He was like piggy but not as whiny. They sat in silence like that for what could have been hours or could have been minutes. Ralph lifted his head once and glanced at Simon who had his attention focused forward. His body felt stiff and tense against Ralph. They stayed there for a few more moments until Simon broke the silence.
“You should just ignore Jack y’know.” He said.
“I know” Ralph sighed, “I just wish I could help him though. I can’t seem to make him happy. And Piggy doesn’t help much, constantly criticizing me.” Simon stood and picked a bushel of berries from a nearby bush. He took it to Ralph and offered it to him.
“Take it” he said, “They’re your favorite aren’t they?” Simon smiled and watched as his friend took the berries and ate them, one by one. The older Ralph, watching from above again had never noticed the smile that Simon had given him. He did not recall seeing him bestow that smile upon the other boys. An abstract idea began to form in his head, unaware of it at first. After a few minutes of Simon watching Ralph eat with that strange smile on his face, the image wavered and returned yet again to Ralph’s bedroom.
“Why are you showing me these things? Why now?” Ralph asked of his friend.
“Because I don’t want to see you suffer anymore.” Simon said matter-of-factly, “You’ve forgotten something important about your time on the island. And its making you feel worse and worse. I can’t just go on and let you live with this pain anymore. It’s hurting me more and more with each day that passes.” Ralph was confused but before he had time to question him his scenery shifted again.
It began with a scene of just the two of them sitting on the beach. It was midday when it was the hottest so they were not the only ones resting. Simon was laying his head on Ralph’s shins.
“Hey Ralphie,” Simon began, “what will you do when we get off this island?”
“The first thing I’ll do is take a bath and get this hair cut.” Ralph said with a laugh. Simon didn’t laugh with him. Something seemed to be occupying his mind. 
The boys let the conversation die off until Simon got up, with a distracted look and marched off to the forest without a word. He went to a clearing he had found and hid in his mat to watch butterflies dance. He sighed and asked himself why he felt so tormented. The vision faded and turned to a new one. 
Vision after vision, they all showed Simon looking tortured and scared. Familiarity nagged at the dreaming Ralph but his mind had pushed away the specific details of what was so wrong. Eventually the sun had to rise again in Ralph’s world and the dream was slipping away. A sense of terrifying loss gripped Ralph as he realized what was happening and he began to panic. He jumped up from his bed and embraced Simon.
“Come with me.” He pleaded, “Don’t let me go alone. You’re the best friend I ever had.” Simon smiled and held the terrified boy.
“I need to go now. You aren’t ready to remember yet. I’ll be back soon.” And with those words the rest of the dream faded and Ralph jolted upright, fully awake. He looked to the foot of his bed and half expected to find the ghost of his past standing there smiling his usual smile that he had only smiled when they were alone. The guilt and horror he felt now was overwhelming and he crumpled on the floor and wept for the loss of Simon.
The Christmas passed without anything out of the ordinary. He received a hand knitted scarf and sweater from his mother and an army knife from his father. After opening his gifts and thanking his parents, he snuck off to his room again. There, on his pillow was a bowl of his favorite berries from the island. He looked around for any traces of Simon and hung his head in sorrow when his calls were left unanswered. He sat on the edge of his bed, cradling the bowl in his arms and slowly ate the berries, one by one. He savored the flavor and all the memories it brought with it. When there were none left and he had had enough of reminiscing, he gently placed the bowl on the floor and buried his face in his pillow in an attempt to try to hold back tears that were yet again threatening to overpower his will. As he inhaled he found that there was a familiar scent embedded in the cloth. The sharp tang of sweat and an earthy sent of dirt and sand. He immediately thought of Simon and had no doubt that he had actually been there. He had said he’d be back soon. Was that what he meant? Ralph hoped it wasn’t. he had wanted to speak to him again. He did not like thinking he had forgotten anything important about the island and wanted to know why he wasn’t ready to remember.
Ralph spent the day trying to fall asleep again to dream of Simon. He ignored his parents requests to join them in celebration and laid in his bed counting sheep and waiting for a sign of his friend. Hours had past before he finally forced himself out of bed and to the bathroom. His parents' calls were easily ignored but the same could not be said for nature's. He finished his business and washed his hands. He stood there for a moment staring at his hands and trying not to imagine the horrors he had once committed with them. Guilt seeped its way into his mind and he wanted nothing more than to go to sleep again and dream of Simon for the rest of his life. His abstract idea of what Simon was trying to tell him was nagging at the corners of his mind. Why was all this happening? Why now? Ralph’s questions remained unanswered as he crept back to his bed and buried himself in blankets and pillows. He laid there again for hours, unmoving until he finally drifted back to sleep again.
Ralph was in his bed again. He looked around hopefully, searching for his hazel-eyed friend. Simon was nowhere to be found. Ralph began calling for him and searching through his house, following phantom footsteps in the dark. He could hear a familiar laughter bouncing back at him in the shadows and realized what was happening. Simon was playing with him again.
“Ralphieee” Simon’s voice called, “come find me Ralphie!”
Ralph smiled and played along, chasing Simon’s calls until he looked around and found himself once again on the island. The scene was familiar again and he realized that they had just arrived there and the thunderstorm was going on. The little’uns were crying and many were huddled together under trees. Judging by the boys’ clothes, it must have been about a week since they had gathered under the conch’s call. Ralph had a hard time remembering how he spent these rainy nights. His mind pushed the details away under some forgotten rug. So he walked aimlessly through the children until he found himself under a fruit tree nestled between Jack and Simon.
Strange, he thought, I don’t remember any of this.
He watched as Jack’s sleeping head found its way to his past self’s shoulder. He stood there, watching three boys sleeping on each other in the cold rain and again the familiar feeling of a forgotten detail irked him. Lightning streaked across the sky and temporarily lit up the scene. His hand was resting on Simon’s. Before he could question himself, the scene abruptly shifted back to his bedroom and he was distracted completely by 17 year old Simon standing before him with the smile Ralph only recognized in the back of his mind.
“Are you starting to remember yet?” The ghost asked Ralph. Ralph shrugged and said he wasn’t sure. 
The ghost sighed and looked down. He grabbed Ralph’s hand and held it for a moment. Ralph was puzzled by this but did not mind it. It gave him a sense of déjà vu. This had happened to him before. The abstract thought began to focus in and he found himself denying it. It wasn’t true he told himself. We were just great friends. All kinds of kids held hands back then. We were only 12. It didn’t mean a thing. But it does now, he told himself. Simon seemed to sense this inner conflict and dropped his hand.
“Hey Ralphie,” Simon said light-heartedly “do you have a girlfriend?”
“What? You’re so random. No, I don’t.” He said with a smile. “I haven’t liked anyone since the island.” Since the island? What was that supposed to mean? he asked himself.
Simon seemed to understand what Ralph was denying to himself and nodded. “Your heart is already taken.” Simon said to him, “but I don’t think you know that yet. I know who it is though.” Simon smiled a familiar smile and winked at Ralph.
“What?” Ralph exclaimed. “You don’t think that I- that you- we- I wasn’t-” he stumbled over his words, trying to avoid what his heart was whispering to him.
“I wasn’t saying anything.” Simon said with an uncharacteristic smirk, apparently happy to have received the reaction he was looking for. But his smile faded as Ralph pushed him away.
“Shut up! I know what you were trying to say!” Ralph yelled, overcome by defensive aggression. He felt exposed. He wasn’t ready for this. All he wanted was his friend back. He didn’t want to remember anymore. Simon frowned and tried to hold back his emotions.
“Okay,” he said, “I guess you’re more unprepared than I thought. I’ll leave now.” As he said the words, the dream began to fade to darkness and the only thing Ralph was aware of was the bitter taste of anger and fear. He didn’t understand why he was so angry. Or why Simon was playing with his mind and his emotions like that. But as he slowly woke up, the anger faded and the only thing left was fear. The fear that he had lost his only true friend because of his inability to admit his own emotions.
He spent months of dreamless nights pushing back memories and thoughts of Simon. He couldn’t bring himself to admit he was wrong or that he overreacted. He was a banker now, his father had the right connections and had gotten him a job at a respected bank. He tried to find girls and had been on several unsuccessful dates. But with every girl he found she was lacking something. The closest he had found to what he was looking for was a brown haired girl with hazel eyes. But when he made the connection between her appearance and Simon’s he left her. His feelings were becoming undeniable. After another few months he found himself weighed down with a horrible feeling of longing and loneliness. And for the first time since the last Christmas, he dreamed. 
He dreamt of the island. And of Simon. And when he woke he felt more alone than he ever had in his life. He finally admitted to himself what he had known all along. He was in love with Simon. He loved him more than he had loved anyone else he had met. And now he felt the full realization that he had lost him. He had lost his love and his best friend. He collapsed next to his bed under the weight of this feeling and cried out. He cried Simon’s name and cried for the longing it brought.
He didn’t know how long he stayed there, a bundle of despair on the floor. But there he stayed until he heard footsteps. He didn’t want to face anyone and he yelled for them to bugger off.
“Ralphie?” a familiar voice called to him. “You don’t want me to go do you Ralphie?”
Ralph looked up and gaped at what he saw. Simon was standing before him yet again and he could do nothing but sit there on the floor and cry. He dragged himself to his feet and held his eyes wide open in disbelief.
“Is it really you?” Ralph asked.
“Well, I’m as real as I can get. Why are you crying?”
“I remember. I remember what you tried to show me. You loved me didn’t you? And, and I loved you.” Simon smiled as Ralph said this. He smiled his secret smile that only Ralph knew.
“Yes, its true.”
“But…you’re dead now. And I’m still alive. I know the truth but I cant do anything about it. Why is life so cruel to me?” Ralph said, filled with despair. Simon walked over to Ralph and stretched his hand out to him. The fair-haired boy took it and as he did so, he was plummeted back to the island. At a clearing in the forest where butterflies danced and beams of light seemed to glitter.
Young Simon took Ralph by the hand and looked into his eyes. Both the young boys were red and Ralph was slowly inching his face closer to the dark haired boy. They closed their eyes and their lips met. They seemed to melt as their lips shyly touched. The kiss was gentle and innocent. Simon wrapped his arms around Ralph’s waist and held him close as he broke off the kiss and leaned his head on the other boy’s shoulder. They stood there for a few minutes, holding each other under the moonlight on what would be one of Simon’s last nights alive. Simon pulled back and gently kissed Ralph again and Ralph melted in the love he felt. The vision slowly faded back to the boys in Ralph’s bedroom.
“We cant have that again can we?” Ralph said to Simon as he stood up.
“Of course we can,” Simon said, “love is stronger than life and death. And I’ll always be here in your dreams.” Ralph smiled and held the other boy close. Slowly, their lips met like they did years ago under the moon. The night drifted away in sweet caresses and gentle kisses until morning came and they said their goodbyes. Ralph was no longer afraid. He could do anything now and no longer had to worry about nightmares because his Simon would always be there to make it better. Because after all, love is stronger than life and death and the living will always dream.


So I'm new to this whole blogging thing. We'll see how this works out. in the mean time, enjoy this cat video.